sunshine and strappy sandals

i was supposed to be shopping for a floor length gown and sparkly shoes. i had been given a purchasing license from my husband.  go.  buy.  have fun.  not that i am in the least bit deprived, but this doesn't exactly happen all the time.  today though,  i was given that extra special blessing... that wonderful all clear. today i had a credit card in my wallet, a sitter at my house and a couple of extra hours to myself.   how glorious for any woman.  but instead of waltzing through the door of our local mega mall,  this afternoon found me sitting on a bench.  i had taken a detour.  i was sitting on a simple bench in the sunshine.  i couldn't help myself.  it was that kind of day.  the sky was perfect blue.  the leaves were glazed in gold.  the sun, warm on my skin.  strangely enough, the mall became not the least bit tempting - yes, you read that correctly.  nothing was going to lure me from my park bench.  nothing was going to entice me...not even the sophistication and serenity of a formal dress shop.  i had woken this morning with fingers itching to touch sequins and silk.  i had planned out my course, gassed up the car and written down instructions for the sitter.  i was going.  i was all set and ready to ramble irresponsibly into my own personal fashion fairytale.   my goal:  to find the perfect evening gown for a gala we'd be attending next month in california.  let me make it clear.  shopping for evening gowns and strappy sandals is not an every day event for this mother of five.   it is not even an every year event.  my shopping trips usually have more to do with notebook paper, knee socks and sticks of butter. 
but then there was this day.  this perfect fall day.  and i just knew i had to sit down and visit with it - for at least a short while.  as a mother of many i never have more than a short while. a short while can look like an extra hour here or there...or it might just look like an extra 30 seconds.  regardless, i have learned to make the most of it.  i usually run in a number of different directions as fast as any 40-something old woman can run.  i probably drive too fast and multi-task too much.  my list is typically longer than it should be and my goals are greater than need be.  but i am a mother.  i am a busy mother.  even my cell phone knows it.  go ahead and call.  it would be highly unlikely for me to answer it -  i hardly ever do.  if you call,  you'll hear my daughter's message sing out, "hi,  this is my mom's cellphone.  jody is not here right now. so please leave a message for our very busy mom."  how awful!  as i type i am struck with the complete and incredible awfulness of my message.  who wants to leave a message for a very busy mom?  oh, yeah, mrs. very-busy mom....when you get to it...when you have a minute...when you take a moment ...when the planets align and the heavens declare...would you maybe listen to my measely little message?  oh...i am thinking i am going to have to change that greeting ASAP.  that message isn't even necessary,  i am sure my i-am-on-a-mission-aurra continually wafts off my rushing, harried self.  again, how awful.   i am completely convicted on how this must read to others.  who in the world does she think she is?   honestly, i don't  think. and i know you've already guessed the reason why - i am too busy to think.  and that is a shame.  the truth of it is, we are all too busy.  and if we're not, we're usually feeling like we should be. like we're missing something.  but more and more i am convinced it is our busy-ness which is causing us to miss things.  miss connections with our children.  miss beauty.  miss birthdays. miss meals.  miss moments.
so back to my sunny park bench. there i sat.  i wondered if this was only my first step to becoming the bag lady on the park bench conversing with pigeons.  perhaps many of these women were once overcommitted, overwrought, over-the-top mothers.  maybe this was only a foreshadowing of what was, indeed, to come.  i nibbled on that thought a moment and then quickly gobbled it whole.  so be it.  i was going to spend a little time on my little bench and enjoy a lot of sunshine. and if a future of pigeon conversations and too many bags was the result, that too,  was okay.  i knew without a doubt this sunshine would add more sparkle to my soul than the most sequined and shimmering pair of high heels i could find.  anywhere.  there would be plenty of cloudy shopping days.  i'd have to remember to save my bags.